First of all, I’d like to apologise for the language in the title, but this is a very personal post, and all will become clear later on.

Why has my F**ck fuse blown? Well, a lack of decision making has lead me to write this point. I was seriously ill last week when my arthritis flared up badly, leading to me being unable to move at times, and relying on family to help me with a lot of tasks.

However, it was during this time, that I started, very unusually, to feel sorry for myself. I can assure you, that feeling sorry for myself is an incredibly rare occurrence, and creeps up on me, but this time it came up and punched me right on the nose!

The feelings of being useless, not a good person, and a million other feelings came flooding into my mind so fast, I literally felt I’d gone 10 rounds with Floyd Mayweather.

I started to become dependent on my family, instead of fighting the pain, and found myself crying at night, when my daughter was asleep, feeling she’d be better off without me. That Friday evening, about 10 p.m, while watching a film, the penny dropped, and that was when my f**k fuse finally blew.

How it happened, is something I teach my daughter, and other students, but I plum forgot myself. I just sat and decided to meditate.

By meditating for five minutes, I saw that what I was feeling, I had allowed to manifest itself, and by just remembering to live in the moment, and enjoy life’s gifts, I’d gone back to a time, when, like most of us do, I let everything affect me, and it was then my f**k fuse blew, and I instantly stopped caring about the stuff I’d been worrying about, which was making me feel so much worse.

By not giving a damn about how lousy I was feeling, and concentrating on listening to the sounds of the world passing me by to relax me.

The result was that all the weight, guilt and ill feeling I’d been carrying about myself disappeared, and was replaced by a feeling of warmth, happiness and renewed purpose, and some of the physical pain I was in also left my body.

Now, it didn’t leave my body entirely, but without a doubt I was in less physical pain, as a result of being in less emotional turmoil.


Will meditation work for you? Yes, it will, and will focus your mind on what is truly important to you, and give your goals clarity, and, most importantly, will give you renewed energy to achieve them, and it will also stop you from worrying about what does not matter.

In other words, it will blow your f**k fuse, and help you be calmer, and more happy with that wonderful person that is you.


Stay Awesome,



    8 replies to "Why My F**k Fuse Has Blown!!!"

    • David Wakeman

      Hey Paul,

      I feel your pain. Every day I wake up with what some would consider a debilitating pain in my back. There are times when I just want to lay in bed because I know what I am going to feel.

      Instead, I push myself to do what I have to do. I pray quite a bit and spend time reading my Bible and this always seems to help.

      Not that the pain goes away, it just helps to put my mind other things.

      Know you are never alone.

      Thanks for sharing.


      • paulhaylett

        Hi David,

        Thanks for the reply, I’m grateful to you for
        taking time out of your day to do that 🙂

        I believe we all have that fuse in us that when we
        decide we’ve had enough, we just say to ourselves
        I don’t give a … and that fuse is then blowm.

        Have you tried meditation at all my friend? It’s no
        cure, but I’ve personally found that it helps a little.

        Like yourself good buddy, your never alone, and if you ever
        want to chat about anything, I’m here if needed 🙂

        Stay Awesome,


    • Sharon Davis

      Thanks, Paul for sharing your personal experience but also a tool to help you. Meditation is a wonderful way to bring us back to live in the moment, especially when I get overwhelmed. I have had dark times in my life, but I also work in the mental health field. I work with Veterans and their families who are struggling with leftovers effects of war.
      Again, thanks for being so open to us.
      Sharon Davis, LCSW

      • paulhaylett

        Hi Sharon,

        Thank you for replying to my article, it means
        a great deal to me 🙂

        What awesome work you do for true heroes that
        fight to protect us all. I truly believe that
        we will all go through hard times somewhere in
        our lives, however, I believe it is how we
        deal with it all, and the journey’s end is

        Meditation in my humble opinion is an awesome
        tool that we could all utilise to not only help
        clear our minds in order to help us focus, but also
        to help us get a grip on our emotional health, to
        keep us feeling fresh and happy.

        What do you think of what I said? I’d be interested
        in hearing what your thoughts are 🙂

        Stay Awesome,


    • Lainie

      Thanks for sharing Paul. I may just look at meditation and one thing I’ve started is Yoga.

      I’ve been very luck in my life I’ve not really suffered with aches and pains but two years ago the Menopause kicked in and now every morning it’s a real effort to get out of bed and get going. It takes me a couple of hours to get myself moving. I’ve never ever experienced aching joints like it. I can see from the way my fingers have swollen that it is arthritis but I’m reluctant to go to a GP.

      You’ve given me the push start to look into meditation, thank you so much.

      Keep doing what your doing Paul you’re doing a grand job. No matter how many set backs we have, we all know we are here to support each other in P2S.

      All the best

      • paulhaylett

        Hi Elaine,

        I highly recommend practicing meditation as a way
        of helping to ease your mind, which, I’ve found
        personally, to help me control at least a small
        amount of pain in my body.

        Never be afraid to go to your GP, as they can
        also be a great help for pain relief. Sadly, I
        have the constitution of an ox and pain relief
        and anti inflammatory meds did not work for me

        Thank you for the lovely reply, and I truly
        wish you every success 🙂

        Stay Awesome,


    • Julie

      This is a great article. Could you maybe provide some ideas on how to meditate, if possible? I cannot stop my head from constantly spinning. I’ve tried meditating but I can’t seem to shut my mind off even for a few minutes. I’m so glad to hear it helped you.

      • paulhaylett

        Hello Julie,

        Thank you for replying to my article,
        I am grateful you took the time to
        read it 🙂

        I always switch off the telly, radio,
        internet, and other distractions and just
        sit on a chair, close my eyes and simply
        clear my mind while listening to the sounds
        of nature outside.

        For me, I find that my mind empties of all
        negativity, and thus clear my mind.

        I’ll have some more advice on meditation
        in my next article for you. So please, stay
        tuned 🙂

        Stay Awesome,


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